Monday, February 21, 2011

There is a God (1st Chapter - The Defying)

Dear Reader,

I would kindly to ask you to sit and relax and please don't be judge of anything  before you read everything first. I would not be judging any faith, so please be fair.

The first post is about my first spiritual encounter for like 3 years ago. Yes, i am a moslem but this post is not about me nor my religion but its about the prooven of God existence from my very own experience.  As a matter of fact, this is not merely for moslem but is for all who have faith that there is a holy power beyond everything that rules the universe. So no matter who you are and what religion are you, please take the whole useful point in what i'm about to write.

Whole my  life i was identified as a moslem, since i was born in a moslem family. However, its only an identity for me for 26 years and it keeps that way untill 3 years ago when i had my most precious history.  Before three years ago  i was a dirty sinful person who cross almost everything that God has been forbid, whether from a moslem or any religion generaly "Code of Conduct" perspectives. Let just say i was an ignorant who did everything hated by God. Start from drugs, drunk, sex, parents rebel, even challange the will and the power of God as i was very angry that God never actually helped and care about me. As far as i remember I actually said, "God if you don't turn things out the way i want it to be i will choose my alliance with other than you even satan" , ( makes me terrified just to think about it again). Even during the holy month of Moslem, Ramadhan which moslem should abide to hold all of their lust and world desire for 30 days, i was enjoying having sex night and day. Well i guess that's enough for describing me how defying i was, not only as a moslem but also as a person.

The First Encounter


For like 3 years ago (2007), in an ordinary morning, suddenly my big brother woke me up from my sleep, with tears in his eyes, and shouting while shaking my body hardly "BROTHER!! IT"S MOM!! MOMM!! WAKE UP !! MOM!!!" Then he ran out from my room.
A bit confused and sleepy i forced myself to ran and follow him to my Mom's room. By the time i got there, i was very shocked, my heart was stopping. I saw my Mom lying on her bad unconciously, with saliva droolling from her mouth, and her eyes was wide open full with emptiness looking to the right. I saw my father and my grand mother cried out loud while reciting prayers near my Mom's body. Realized with the situation, i got panicked and holding my Mom's body without knowing something to do about it. Then our neighboor who came in, ordered us to get her to nearby hospital right away.

At the hospital, my Mom rushed in to the emergency room and  got through many diagnostic procedures while there's no sign of improvement of her condition. Outside the room my aunt got her conversation with the doctor, and she came to me and my brother who stood still near my Mom's bed and she said," I just spoke with the doctor, based on their diagnosis, your Mom has less than 0 (zero) percent of survival, her brain is filled by fluid and there's nothing they can do about it, So what you guys need to do is.. to release you Mom and pray".  It felt like struct by lightning,  i was spontaneously hugging my Mom stiff body with tears... then for a minute there i suddenly remember God, because if there is a God, God is the only way who can save my Mom. So i ran as fast as possible to a nearby mosque, inside the mosque i did Sholat (Moslem pray) without knowing what kind of sholat that i did, i just want to beg the God and saved my Mom.

During my prayer, i was no longer able to control my emotions,  i can't breath, i cried histerically. I admited every wrong things that i've ever done all these years, and to ask God mercy of my behaviors. I said "Please take me instead of my Mom, i did the life wrong way God, while she was abide to you, a good Mom and everything". That time i just relized if only i was a believer, and did some good deed towards God even a little, i might be more confidence that i will be heard. I keep reciting Quran prayers as far as i remembered verse by verse while i had a very great doubt that God will willing to hear me out not even to took a glance of me. I felt very sorry for my self, as i was a rascal who never did anything good to my Mom, i ignored her, i defied her and now.. i might not have the time to do that good deeds again, i remembered that i said "God, please.. give me more time to show her that i love her very much, to prove to her that i can change and can be a good son of her, which gives her proud, please God.. Please" . ........ After like 4 hours praying, asked for God forgiveness with resentment and tears, suddenly one of my relatives came and told me that my Mom had a slight improvement, and the hospital had brought her to ICU room.

I rushed myself there, and expect some greater condition from her. When i got into ICU room i saw my Mom still at the same condition, but this time it wasn't her who become different, it was me. I was more calmer and i walk to her side of bed and tried to whisper gently in her ear. "Mom... Mom.. can you hear me? ", her eyes still wide open and empty. Then i hold her hand and i whisper onced again "Mom.. this is me, La ila ha Ilallah (*Moslem: There's no God except Allah)". And surprisingly, suddenly her mouth following La  ila ha Illalah that came from me, then i started to nodded to her and said it again and again and i saw her head nodded very slowly. That makes me relieved, even just to saw her slight improvement like that i was very relieved while also realizing that  it's still  nothing compare to what will come ahead of us but it's a very good start. Four days after that day she was tranferred to regular patient room.

Shortly after that, as my Mom condition improves little by little  i started to get to know God more. And what funny is,  couple of days after my first "contact" with God, i checked all of Quran verse i recited at the mosque  back then, turns out it was all wrong, i spelled it wrong, i mentioned it wrong and i turn it up side down not in the right order.

Finally after two months in the hospital, my Mom got out. But by any means, my Mom is still not in a good shape although she's already conscious and looks well, because based on Doctors recommendation, the fluid inside my Mom's brain was still overwhelming her brain. The only way to cure her is by having brain surgery to extract the fluids because it wont do it  by itself. This explained that at that time my Mom is sometimes forgot what she remember, and often got confused with her memory way past many years ago. Since the hospital bill of my Mom was getting so expensive, we decided to just took her home and didn't do the brain surgery. For the first time there, i can convince my family to submit to Allah's will and if God willing, she will be cured.

After she got out, is not an easy time for me and the family.. we fight for her for 1,5 years with up and down conditions. We took care of her sincerely,  i pray for hours for her, showing God that we are very thankful of God gifts that she returned to us. Each minute to see my Mom again, to see her health improving, is something something beyond my happiness that ever happened to me before.

After 1,5 years never return to the hospital, i remembered my Mom feel headache, and so we checked her again to hospital. After through several diagnosis, we consult the doctor. And the doctor was very surprised with the result, "This is a miracle mam, you did not do the surgery didn't you? .. it's a gift from God, it's a miracle" , the doctor said. The fluid in my Mom's brain had shrunk to a very tiny size which is no longer threat to my Mom's health. The headache is only a regular headache. Alhamdulillah ya Allah.

Praise to God that all of these events brought many lights to my family. With God's willing, all member of my family had become a believer and a better person since then. We unite more, and take care of each other more, Thanks to God as a family we are now are more solid then ever. May the God will lead us always.
Now for the lessons learned, for all religions.

Lessons Learned

1. The existence of God,  who have "The Most title " is real. Human medical disclipine is nothing compare to God's will.

As i mentioned above, at the mosque i was wrongfully reciting Quran verse! *laugh* it was so ridiculous.. but how come Allah heard me??  it was proves that God is The Most merciful, The Most forgiver, and The Most listener. DO NOT imagine The title of "The Most" is equal with the ability of human being or anything else that exist in this universe, it is totally beyond!. As long as we sincere, touches the deepest heart of ours and consistence (not only once), event though you thought  you are a total bastard, event though you got the prayer all wrong... it will be heard and granted. God knows everything without you have to say it, our heart language is the one who talks. Why "Not Only Once?" because you don't know among thousand prayers you ask to God, there's only one condition where's the Prayer, the statement, the concentration, the expression, and the heart unites as one and focus to God, which makes your wish granted.

2. God heard you No matter who you are, what you are and where you are.

Because of the God's "The Most" Title..  As long as One ask and pray to the God not with the satan and its kind (If you know Satan so you do know God), there's not even a single person in this world, no matter what the races, faith, group, is miss being heard by Allah. The example is let just say an unknown primitive tribe from some coast in this world perhaps also experiencing similar experience just like mine, apart of the way how they pray, the form and its content its still be heard (my own experience). Maybe all their life, they were taught to worship Wind, or Tree (for instance) just because they are not knowing and  were taught that way it doesn't mean they are ignored, because actually their heart language goes to Allah, and  Allah will heard and grant them with what they asked. Allah is surely know that human is the place of negligence, sins, and very easy to got lost..
However its strictly different with Moslem, which suppose to know to whom to pray and yet pray to something else.. well you know the consequences. This point goes to all Moslem that shallow enough to think Allah is only look after us.. No Allah is not, Allah grace beyond races, faith cross everything in this world!

3. Never hesitate to talk with God and ask God's forgiveness.

The point of everything for everyone, never hesitate to talk with Allah, ask for Allah forgiveness, ask anything good! no matter how dirty you are, no matter how much failure you have done even though you have tried to commit to Allah again and again, i can assure you, God's Willing, You'lle be forgiven. I know the feelling of doubt which makes you think you are not worth enough to be heard, that's wrong.. i am a living proof.


Actually during that 1.5 years  untill now, there's a lot of things that happened to me which i realized it was a God's work, Alhamdulillah its enhanced my faith. I will tried to share it slowly in my blog.. so those who don't belive  God, start to belive.. to those who don't understand will and to those who miss interprets gets it.
Thank you for reading my first Post, God's Willing i'll share another more. Thank you =)

With warmness,