Monday, February 21, 2011

There is a God (1st Chapter - The Defying)

Dear Reader,

I would kindly to ask you to sit and relax and please don't be judge of anything  before you read everything first. I would not be judging any faith, so please be fair.

The first post is about my first spiritual encounter for like 3 years ago. Yes, i am a moslem but this post is not about me nor my religion but its about the prooven of God existence from my very own experience.  As a matter of fact, this is not merely for moslem but is for all who have faith that there is a holy power beyond everything that rules the universe. So no matter who you are and what religion are you, please take the whole useful point in what i'm about to write.

Whole my  life i was identified as a moslem, since i was born in a moslem family. However, its only an identity for me for 26 years and it keeps that way untill 3 years ago when i had my most precious history.  Before three years ago  i was a dirty sinful person who cross almost everything that God has been forbid, whether from a moslem or any religion generaly "Code of Conduct" perspectives. Let just say i was an ignorant who did everything hated by God. Start from drugs, drunk, sex, parents rebel, even challange the will and the power of God as i was very angry that God never actually helped and care about me. As far as i remember I actually said, "God if you don't turn things out the way i want it to be i will choose my alliance with other than you even satan" , ( makes me terrified just to think about it again). Even during the holy month of Moslem, Ramadhan which moslem should abide to hold all of their lust and world desire for 30 days, i was enjoying having sex night and day. Well i guess that's enough for describing me how defying i was, not only as a moslem but also as a person.

The First Encounter


For like 3 years ago (2007), in an ordinary morning, suddenly my big brother woke me up from my sleep, with tears in his eyes, and shouting while shaking my body hardly "BROTHER!! IT"S MOM!! MOMM!! WAKE UP !! MOM!!!" Then he ran out from my room.
A bit confused and sleepy i forced myself to ran and follow him to my Mom's room. By the time i got there, i was very shocked, my heart was stopping. I saw my Mom lying on her bad unconciously, with saliva droolling from her mouth, and her eyes was wide open full with emptiness looking to the right. I saw my father and my grand mother cried out loud while reciting prayers near my Mom's body. Realized with the situation, i got panicked and holding my Mom's body without knowing something to do about it. Then our neighboor who came in, ordered us to get her to nearby hospital right away.

At the hospital, my Mom rushed in to the emergency room and  got through many diagnostic procedures while there's no sign of improvement of her condition. Outside the room my aunt got her conversation with the doctor, and she came to me and my brother who stood still near my Mom's bed and she said," I just spoke with the doctor, based on their diagnosis, your Mom has less than 0 (zero) percent of survival, her brain is filled by fluid and there's nothing they can do about it, So what you guys need to do is.. to release you Mom and pray".  It felt like struct by lightning,  i was spontaneously hugging my Mom stiff body with tears... then for a minute there i suddenly remember God, because if there is a God, God is the only way who can save my Mom. So i ran as fast as possible to a nearby mosque, inside the mosque i did Sholat (Moslem pray) without knowing what kind of sholat that i did, i just want to beg the God and saved my Mom.

During my prayer, i was no longer able to control my emotions,  i can't breath, i cried histerically. I admited every wrong things that i've ever done all these years, and to ask God mercy of my behaviors. I said "Please take me instead of my Mom, i did the life wrong way God, while she was abide to you, a good Mom and everything". That time i just relized if only i was a believer, and did some good deed towards God even a little, i might be more confidence that i will be heard. I keep reciting Quran prayers as far as i remembered verse by verse while i had a very great doubt that God will willing to hear me out not even to took a glance of me. I felt very sorry for my self, as i was a rascal who never did anything good to my Mom, i ignored her, i defied her and now.. i might not have the time to do that good deeds again, i remembered that i said "God, please.. give me more time to show her that i love her very much, to prove to her that i can change and can be a good son of her, which gives her proud, please God.. Please" . ........ After like 4 hours praying, asked for God forgiveness with resentment and tears, suddenly one of my relatives came and told me that my Mom had a slight improvement, and the hospital had brought her to ICU room.

I rushed myself there, and expect some greater condition from her. When i got into ICU room i saw my Mom still at the same condition, but this time it wasn't her who become different, it was me. I was more calmer and i walk to her side of bed and tried to whisper gently in her ear. "Mom... Mom.. can you hear me? ", her eyes still wide open and empty. Then i hold her hand and i whisper onced again "Mom.. this is me, La ila ha Ilallah (*Moslem: There's no God except Allah)". And surprisingly, suddenly her mouth following La  ila ha Illalah that came from me, then i started to nodded to her and said it again and again and i saw her head nodded very slowly. That makes me relieved, even just to saw her slight improvement like that i was very relieved while also realizing that  it's still  nothing compare to what will come ahead of us but it's a very good start. Four days after that day she was tranferred to regular patient room.

Shortly after that, as my Mom condition improves little by little  i started to get to know God more. And what funny is,  couple of days after my first "contact" with God, i checked all of Quran verse i recited at the mosque  back then, turns out it was all wrong, i spelled it wrong, i mentioned it wrong and i turn it up side down not in the right order.

Finally after two months in the hospital, my Mom got out. But by any means, my Mom is still not in a good shape although she's already conscious and looks well, because based on Doctors recommendation, the fluid inside my Mom's brain was still overwhelming her brain. The only way to cure her is by having brain surgery to extract the fluids because it wont do it  by itself. This explained that at that time my Mom is sometimes forgot what she remember, and often got confused with her memory way past many years ago. Since the hospital bill of my Mom was getting so expensive, we decided to just took her home and didn't do the brain surgery. For the first time there, i can convince my family to submit to Allah's will and if God willing, she will be cured.

After she got out, is not an easy time for me and the family.. we fight for her for 1,5 years with up and down conditions. We took care of her sincerely,  i pray for hours for her, showing God that we are very thankful of God gifts that she returned to us. Each minute to see my Mom again, to see her health improving, is something something beyond my happiness that ever happened to me before.

After 1,5 years never return to the hospital, i remembered my Mom feel headache, and so we checked her again to hospital. After through several diagnosis, we consult the doctor. And the doctor was very surprised with the result, "This is a miracle mam, you did not do the surgery didn't you? .. it's a gift from God, it's a miracle" , the doctor said. The fluid in my Mom's brain had shrunk to a very tiny size which is no longer threat to my Mom's health. The headache is only a regular headache. Alhamdulillah ya Allah.

Praise to God that all of these events brought many lights to my family. With God's willing, all member of my family had become a believer and a better person since then. We unite more, and take care of each other more, Thanks to God as a family we are now are more solid then ever. May the God will lead us always.
Now for the lessons learned, for all religions.

Lessons Learned

1. The existence of God,  who have "The Most title " is real. Human medical disclipine is nothing compare to God's will.

As i mentioned above, at the mosque i was wrongfully reciting Quran verse! *laugh* it was so ridiculous.. but how come Allah heard me??  it was proves that God is The Most merciful, The Most forgiver, and The Most listener. DO NOT imagine The title of "The Most" is equal with the ability of human being or anything else that exist in this universe, it is totally beyond!. As long as we sincere, touches the deepest heart of ours and consistence (not only once), event though you thought  you are a total bastard, event though you got the prayer all wrong... it will be heard and granted. God knows everything without you have to say it, our heart language is the one who talks. Why "Not Only Once?" because you don't know among thousand prayers you ask to God, there's only one condition where's the Prayer, the statement, the concentration, the expression, and the heart unites as one and focus to God, which makes your wish granted.

2. God heard you No matter who you are, what you are and where you are.

Because of the God's "The Most" Title..  As long as One ask and pray to the God not with the satan and its kind (If you know Satan so you do know God), there's not even a single person in this world, no matter what the races, faith, group, is miss being heard by Allah. The example is let just say an unknown primitive tribe from some coast in this world perhaps also experiencing similar experience just like mine, apart of the way how they pray, the form and its content its still be heard (my own experience). Maybe all their life, they were taught to worship Wind, or Tree (for instance) just because they are not knowing and  were taught that way it doesn't mean they are ignored, because actually their heart language goes to Allah, and  Allah will heard and grant them with what they asked. Allah is surely know that human is the place of negligence, sins, and very easy to got lost..
However its strictly different with Moslem, which suppose to know to whom to pray and yet pray to something else.. well you know the consequences. This point goes to all Moslem that shallow enough to think Allah is only look after us.. No Allah is not, Allah grace beyond races, faith cross everything in this world!

3. Never hesitate to talk with God and ask God's forgiveness.

The point of everything for everyone, never hesitate to talk with Allah, ask for Allah forgiveness, ask anything good! no matter how dirty you are, no matter how much failure you have done even though you have tried to commit to Allah again and again, i can assure you, God's Willing, You'lle be forgiven. I know the feelling of doubt which makes you think you are not worth enough to be heard, that's wrong.. i am a living proof.


Actually during that 1.5 years  untill now, there's a lot of things that happened to me which i realized it was a God's work, Alhamdulillah its enhanced my faith. I will tried to share it slowly in my blog.. so those who don't belive  God, start to belive.. to those who don't understand will and to those who miss interprets gets it.
Thank you for reading my first Post, God's Willing i'll share another more. Thank you =)

With warmness,

[Read More!] - There is a God (1st Chapter - The Defying)

Disavowing Your Own Promises (2nd Chapter - The Consequences)

Dear Reader,

The second post will about the consequences when we disavowing our own promise to God from my own experience. The story that i am about to tell you is true, quite funny but at the same time, this story once again proven God's capability to control and punish us for what we do in this world. So here we go..

After i had dramatically feel God presence in my life (Read my first post), i was really afraid to do anything that hated by God. For example: in Islam, we are not allowed to drink something that will make you drunk which is in my opinion one of them is alcohol. The reason behind this restriction is quite logic, ones you get drunk you are not conscious enough to control your self which leads to many foul attitudes even murderer or any other great sins.

So one day, i got to hang out with my old friends. Not one of them believe that i had change.. since i was very close to them before i got myself "slapped" by God. So in some expensive club we hung out and of course, they all ordered liquor, wine etc while i was just simply ordered soft drink. For quite some time they don't realized what i was having so we were just having fun like the old times, until one of my friends realized that i was drinking soft drink. Thus she started to told every one there that i am not respecting them by not drinking what they ordered.. I kept rejecting until the situation makes me feel uncomfortable and the words "C'mon!! for the old time sake! Please" was over and over poking my ears, so i gave up and my defense was gone, and so i did it.  Well to tell you the truth.. for a person that already stop drinking alcohol for like a year at that time, of course it felt so good, i enjoyed it very much.

Before i drank the wine and liquor i said to God, "Dear Allah, i am really sorry for drinking this.. i have to honor my friends.. this situation is forcing me, so please forgive me.. " then there it goes, the forbidden fluid flowing inside my throat.. .That night i was unconscious, and had fun like we were used to, without knowing the consequences.

Next day morning, around 07.00 AM ( I didn't even do Sholat Shubuh - it is a morning prayer for a moslem in like between 04.00 -05.00 AM depends on the location), with the head felt so heavy i forced my self to the bath room, took a shower as i need to go to college by 08.30 morning. So this is where the consequences begun.

I didn't feel comfortable that morning but still i had a class to attend, so after everything was ready i took my car key and drove off. To redeem last night sins i did istigfar dzikir ( Is a moslem prayer for asking God forgiveness) while driving.. and just a few meters from my house, accidentally i crashed my car to a motorcycle in front of me. I really didn't know how that could happened exactly.. but i think  i was just careless. Luckily the motorcycle driver was fine so does his motorcycle. However, it almost got me into trouble since i had to have harsh arguments with the motorcycle driver about the accident. After the crash,  i got out of my car and apologize to him but instead of forgiving me he shouted and insulted me eventhough not him nor the motorcycle took any damage at all. Here in my city, car driver is deemed as "the have" and motorcycle driver is "the poor" which makes every person around there will be defending the motorcycle driver instead of me and it was very disadvantage situation for me. While other motorcycle driver that saw the accident started to provoke the situation, it was so lucky for me that the accident makes other cars and busses behind me stopped, and one of them mediated the argument so it ended with the motorcycle driver kicked my car and drove away. Well, i still pretty got mad with him but the situation forced me to go back inside my car and just go away.

Inside my car, i tried to forget everything and calm myself, i didn't want to ruin my day just because of the stupid fight. By the time i got myself calm and happy again, i arrived at the highway entrance which makes me should prepare money for the entrance ticket... guess what... i didn't brought my wallet with me,  and the entrance ticket window was just one car ahead of me. So i got panicked and tried to look for small money that i expected tucked somewhere inside my car but i didn't found any. So there i goes, finally met the highway officer in the ticket window.. i told him with pretty shame expression on my face,

"Sir.. i am sorry i didn't have my wallet in me.. can i please put some stuff here and will get back to take my stuff back along with the money? i will borrow my friend later on." and he said "Please stop a few meters ahead while our officer will take care of this, you will be getting in the way of other cars now" so i drove a few meters ahead and a moment later i saw behind me some officers walking towards me. Tried to overcome my panic situation, i tried to look deeper for money or stuff that temporarily i can trade it off. You know what?! There's no money nor proper stuff that i can trade inside my car! I saw the officer its getting nearer to my car and until he finally arrived, this was may third times getting public attention and embarrass my self that day. And so i told him that i didn't have anything neither money or stuff to trade with entrance ticket, he laugh and told this "What? you have a car, you doesn't look like a poor guy and yet you don't have small money or anything to trade??" that words "slapped" my dignity a big time .. Lol. So after a few arguments with him, he let me go.. and just told me this "Okay i believe you are not a bad person, so please Sir.. after you meet your friends, come back and pay the ticket! and God witnessing". I said "ok, thx a lot Sir". When he said that word i started to realized... God was punishing me for what i had done the night before.. so i promised to my self to get back to the officer and pay the ticket later on.

To make it short, That day whole my time at college was not a successful one, i got bad arguments with the lecturers, i can't found a friend who can lend me small amount of money where it was usually there are plenty friends that willing to lend me not just a small money but a big favor for me and later that night i got a big fight with my girl friend through the phone then made myself hit the wall so hard which dislocated my arm bone .. What a day! so i guess that was all God saying for everything you do, there are always consequences.

Lessons learned:

1. Once You Get to Know And Believe God You Can Understand Things Better.

Maybe if i'm still not a believer, I would say that what happened above was merely "shit does happens" or just having a bad day. For me that's not just a coincidence, is a matter of consequences for what you have done towards your own promise to Allah. To Allah , above story is way of showing love to me in form of punishment as a reminder that Allah sees everything and reminds human for their sins so we will not do the sins again. There's a different way for Allah showing the grace, greatness or even wrath to each person, including  me.

To interprets things better is called "hikmah" by moslem, so if you can get close to Allah you will be able to draw out hikmah in every single event in your life which will make you be thankful for everything because Allah already knows what's better and certainly the best for you, even though you don't know it yet but you will later, guaranteed.

2. There Are Two Punishments, First Is In This World And Second Is In The Life After Death.

I did ask for Allah forgiveness that day and yet i still experienced a bad events. Some people might questioned if Allah is The Most Merciful why the bad events still happened to me. For me the answer is this, your sins in the life after death is redeem with you asking for forgiveness but the world still have the consequences. For example we as a human has to decide everything by our self, God will show you the way, will give you hints, but at the end you have to decided everything by yourself either good or bad. Let say, there's a person who found a wallet with a million dollar in it and then that person will be faced with two options, find the owner or just take the wallet. When the person chooses to take the wallet, maybe some people sees it and will shout at the person as a THIEF! and the person will take all the consequences.. got beaten by a mass public and then go to prison for like 5 years. That's the world consequences.. But when inside the prison the person repent the sins to Allah and ask for forgiveness sincerely over and over.. By the Will of Allah, the prison sentence might will be lightened to just 1 year and thus the life after death punishment is also lightened or maybe redeemed totally.

If i was not asking for Allah forgiveness over and over that day, who knows the bad events will be far more worst? who knows the motorcycle driver whom i accidentally hit is dead and i have to face prison because of it? and who knows the highway officer will not let me go until someone comes and pay the ticket for me and i will lose my class which was very important for me that day? As long as we ask for forgiveness sincerely, Allah will forgive us that's for sure. What happened to me based on above story was Allah way for telling me that all of the bad events is for your reminder of the sins and SO YOU WILL NOT DO IT AGAIN.

3. If You Believe God's Graces Then You Should Start to Believe God's Punishment

For some people including me long time ago, believing God is only believing God's kindness, Grace, etc. but we often forget that if there is a God grace of course there is a God punishment. Therefor if you believe heaven then start to believe hell. Everything is about consequences, For Hindu religions there's belief about karma.. Good deed will be paid by good things in other hand bad deed will be paid by bad things as well, Chinese believe on Yin and Yang.. There's no Yin if there's no Yang,  so it concludes there's no good if there's no bad, there's no white if there's no black.

For Moslem if i allowed to give some advice.. for everything you do please be convinced that the consequences is real, either here or later after we are dead. I believe you had Allah graces in your life so start to fear hell that created to washed off our sins and be fearful of Allah's wrath. So please do good deeds and take care each other regardless of what they are and what they come from because once again.. Allah graces is not only for Moslem but for all of Allah creations.

Okay this is my second post, God's Willing i will share another more.. hope it can be useful. Thank you =)

With Warmness,

[Read More!] - Disavowing Your Own Promises (2nd Chapter - The Consequences)

Never Hesitate to Ask God (3rd Chapter - The Prayer)

 Dear Reader,

This third chapter is about my another true story that God will hear anything that you wish as long as you really convinced that God heard you. The best part is God will always grant you the request if we do our best  to solve the problem we were facing first and there's nothing else we can do anymore about it except submit to the God's will. As God will always knows what is best for us and what we need, though not necessary what we want. So here's the story..

I was born in a quite prosper family, i always got what i want.. but for some reason as i grew old particularly started on 7 years ago, my family business went down. So i had to be more careful spending money at that time. As you read in my first chapter, i found God when i was 26 years old.. that was 3 years ago. Actually during that time my family economy was at the peak of declining. Luckily at that time i found God already so each time the world makes us crazy i went to God. I realized without this difficult situation i wouldn't aware or maybe too blind to force my self to work hard and eventually found God in my journey, in fact if i was too spoiled by the world this blog would never existed in the first place. I guess this is another God's work to shape me and my family to become a better person.

So from a father as a medical chief of international oil company and mother as a business woman who had her relations with world bank, what remains in my family business right now  is only a small pastry vendor which has unstable income. Although It was so hard dealing with the living cost, debts and everything but our faith to God, makes us through any difficulties. As you guys read before in my previous chapters... this story was taken during my college year. For your information when i entered the university my family was still in a good economic condition, so i entered one of the most expensive university here in my country. 

But later on, it was so unfortunate for me in the middle of my college year, my family economy went down drastically.. so i had trouble facing tuition fee for each semester.  So there was this one time when i got panicked because a week ahead of me, i should pay the tuition fee which was not a small amount of money. I was so anxious day and night, and kept this deadline by myself because i don't want to put more heavy burden on my family. Why is so heavy? because if i may illustrate the problem was like this. I knew for sure that my family doesn't had any saving at all as we had to continue paying our debts, so what we earned each day will be vanished to a debt collector. So imagine if i have to ask for like 1000 $ for my tuition fee whereas the income is only 50 dollars a day at max, let's do the math.. in 7 days the most we can have is only 350 dollars.. not to mention this calculation is not include our family living cost and everything.. so its totally impossible..

From two week before tuition fee deadline, I tried to look for a job frequently hoping that i will be able to pay at least half from the tuition later on. Unfortunately there's non available job at that time, even if there was a vacancy it required full time job and for sure i will not be able to study well and eventually the academic goals and income missions both will fail. So a week before the deadline i was finally encouraging my self to talk with my parents about the tuition problems. As i expected, it was just like i put on  the world most heaviest thing on their shoulder. They seems weren't ready to hear it, although in front of me they were trying so hard to look calm.. but i can tell from their faces that they were clueless as i was at that time. 

 So later at night that day,  i started to do Tahajud prayer ( It is a non obligatory moslem prayer, that conducted in the edge of night before dawn and the condition is the person should sleep first. Usually moslem does this to earn more graces from Allah or begging solutions or wishing for something to Allah). With faith and confidence that God will hear me, i was ready to do it every night until i have the answer or the solutions. I remembered each night i said this with tears:

"Dear Allah, please give me a way out to pay the tuition fee, have a pity on me and my family as we already worked hard and You are The Most Knowledgeable about what we have been trying... I don't want to make my family got any further in debt so please give us another way then having another debt.  If You want me to not proceeding my college i will submit Ya Allah, but please lift up my parents burdens so they will not get sad because of it,  But if You want me to finish my college please dear Allah... give my family a way out and i promise i will work hard to achieve my graduation, so my parents will know that their prayers and efforts is not in vain..." I kept repeating this prayer after Tahajud each night, while tears was always streamed down on my cheek. Some says tears reflect your inner most sincerity, and the most granted prayer if the inner most of your soul, your heart, your concentration and your prayer are united as one so God will answer your prayer.

Out from expectation after the third night..  at the next morning suddenly our family vendor received huge order for some company and not just that, the next day we also had another huge order from goverment institution and the third day there was another large pastry order from our loyal customer which was very out of ordinary. Because of this, within three days we had more than 1000 $, Alhamdulillah, Allah answered our prayer. Thus i was able to pay the tuition fee and proceed with my college without my family have to sacrifice any liabilities on our living cost, and of course i kept my promise to work hard and graduated with one of the best score among other students. For that we were very thankful that God enhanced our faith through out the process.
Lessons learned

1. Pray Not Just Once,  Do It Over And Over Again.
Why i suggest to pray not only one time? As quoted in First Chapter, It's because we never know from  among thousand prayers you ask to God, there's only one condition where's the Prayer, the statement, the concentration, the expression, the inner soul and the heart unites as one and focus to Allah, which makes your wish granted.

Other than that the reason is sometimes it takes more than one prayer to prove that you are sincere enough towards your wish. Let's just illustrate this, let's go back way years ago when we were child, how many times do you need to tell your parents that you want some toy and after kept saying what you want, then your parents eventually bought it for you? It's a very rare occasion when you saw a toy that you like than you just said i want it, then your parents went inside the store and bought it for you? It's a rare but it still could happened, am i right? Why doesn't parents gave what we want straight away after we asked them? there are many reasons but the most proper reason is the parents wants to taught us something  Maybe is not important enough to buy some toy compare to the groceries which will feed you, or maybe simply because of your parents did not see that you really wants the toy nor need it, or maybe if parents always granted what you asked , don't you think you will know how to get things in your life other than begging your parents later on? I don't think so.. It's a similar with the prayer although there are very huge different with whom you asked this time, Allah is The Most Knowledgeable which will always know whats better for us.

2. God Will Always Hear The Prayer, But For Your Prayer To Be Answered That's Another Question.

Above story is one of the prayer that Allah answered from my experience. However if i can draw useful points from my experiences, not all of our wish and prayer are answered, it depends on several factors. First, maybe there are still somethings we can do to solve the problems, remember we need to work hard and be sure that there's nothing else we can do other than submit to Allah's will. (We are God most perfect creation.. so don't patronizing yourselves), Second we aren't really praying ( As i quoted above or at the 1st chapter " the most granted prayer if the inner most of your soul, your heart, your concentration and your prayer unites as one so God will answer your prayer ", (That is why the best time situation to pray is at night where everything is so silent so you can feel it and concentrate enough). Third, Allah has another plan for us, and i can guaranteed no matter what, it will be a better result, proven by many of my untold experiences.

3. Be Convinced  That Your Prayer Is Being Heard By God Anytime Anywhere

The faith of being heard by Allah while you are praying count as everything. When we are praying but we dont give a faith in it.. most of the cases your prayer will be in vain. But i said most of the cases, because once again Allah has special way which different to every single person (creations). in this world Based on my experience, faith is the most important element during the prayer. Allah will be just like what you assume, if you think Allah is ignoring you so more or less will be like that.. but about this one i will share it later on my other chapter. 

Well that's my third chapter..  Thank you for reading my posts, hopefully it can be usefull. God Willing i will share another more.

With Warmness,

[Read More!] - Never Hesitate to Ask God (3rd Chapter - The Prayer)

Sunday, February 20, 2011

How Your Good Deed Will Help You In Mysterious Way (4th Chapter - The Charity)

Dear Reader,

How are you? Hope you have read and enjoy all the chapters before, well this will be my forth chapter.. I will tell you another true story that happened to me when we do good things to other without thinking how will we be repaid or be seen by anyone else. This post is about God will always sees what we do in this life either good or bad and everything has their consequences (read my 2nd chapter). It is only in God's power to arrange the world to treat us better because of our good deeds, and it is only in God's power to arrange the world to treat you like hell as a punishment because of our bad deeds. 

Well.. So here is the story..

This story was taken when i still in my last college year just before the graduation. At that time, as a week closer to my final trial graduation i work very hard to finish my thesis. I studied a lot, i didn't sleep very well at night, and it cost me a lot of money to support this activities.. but i thought back then, it was not a problem since this will be my final effort to finish my first academic title anyway. If i remember correctly, there's this Wednesday after the whole exhausting day at my campus when i went back home with intention to took public transport on my way home. What left inside my wallet was only equal to 5 $. In my country that amount of money still can be used for transportation cost or to eat twice in small food vendor. As i walked to the nearest public transport halt i saw a poor old guy with empty can beside him, eating something voraciously at the sidewalk. well at that time I guess he was just a typical homeless poor old guy. I didn't put a lot of attention until when i got nearer to him i saw a box without anything on it other than plain rice. Yup.. that's right only a plain rice and he ate that as if it full of delicious side dishes. So i walked through him.. and like 10 steps ahead of him, i stopped. The thought of him eating nothing else other than rice harassed my conscience dramatically, and so i took my wallet, took what was left of it and walked back towards him.

In Islam, i was taught that the best way to give charity is when no one sees you, better if the receiver didn't saw you and not even your left hand should witnessing your right hand do the good deeds. Remembering that, i pass through him again, until i few meters behind him.. and i walked to him once again and put my last 5 dollar to his can.. i tried not to be seen by him, well eventually he did realized what i did and while still eating with mouth full of rice he said thank you and praise God. So i just ignored him, i don't want too saw his face because i was afraid that the proud that came out in me if its too much it will misleads my original intentions. I just kept walking while kept saying this to my self. "What important is Allah will be happy... What important is Allah will be happy" I kept saying it over and over until i can make sure my mind will not thinking about that event again.. so i can just pretend nothing has happened.

The reason i did that is, in Islam we were guaranteed that all of your charity will be repaid by God multiple times either in the same form of what you have donated or in other form as long as you really sincere with the good intentions, not because of how other people will see you, not because of the receiver will thank you, not even because of the cause that God will repaid your kindness... the only accepted condition is to give because of Allah and that's that. Well that's hard, that is why it needs practices.. And its hard for me too, that's why i kept saying this intention was merely to make Allah happy. So there i goes.. after along walk finally i arrived at home.

The next day morning (Thursday) as usual i did my routines at home and went back to campus.. busy with my preparations, i didn't put any attention to announcement board. Later at the afternoon, a friend told me that there were certain conditions that we have to fulfill on Monday which was academic documents including a copy of high school certificate, photos and trial expense, if we failed to fulfill the requirement by Monday our trial graduation will be pending until the next semester and we have to do the process including the tuitions all over again. I said ."Whaat??? when did they published it? ".. My friend said "Just this morning" . I thought to my self.. Okay this is gonna be a big problem!.

For many students there, the trial expense wouldn't be a problem since the university is for "the have" community (read my 3rd chapter), It is an expensive University. But for me.. it was a huge problem, not to mention i found it out at the afternoon which makes my chance to find the money even slimmer. Not just that, i didn't know if the requested copy of a high school certificate were still available in my house, and so i have to go to my old high school and ask for the documents and only God knows how long its gonna take, if i didn't have it on my archives files. Thus that afternoon with uncertainty and confusion inside my head i proceed preparing my trial with my friends until late at night. Later when i got home, all of my family was already sleeping. So i figured out the plan for tomorrow will be like this.. first told my parents about the trial expense which i know it will make them confuse just like i was, and then second i will look for the documents.. and if it wasn't there i have to go to my old high school and took care of everything since Friday was the last working day for the week.

Friday morning..

Since i was so exhausted last night i ruined my plans and woke up late.. When i woke up the house was empty, all my family was going somewhere and they took the car. So i started to panic, because first my parents didn't know the trial expense issue, and second i can't go to my high school because the car wasn't there.. so i said to my self.. i am ruined.

I started to pray, i said,"Dear Allah, I know You have been always gave me a way and always guide me through everything on my academic journey, so it got me this far.. how come at the almost end of my struggle i have to found a closed gate like this.. Please Ya Allah, give me a way out.. But if You said that this time is not my time to graduate yet.. I will submit, just please makes my parents understand so they will not get sad..". So after that with a bit desperation, i tried to look my archives files. Page by page i screened them over.. I cannot found the document, so i rearranged it and put it back on to the file cabinet. With a heavy breath i just walk away. Suddenly i saw a box full of unimportant paper which contain old papers and old advertisement prints.. i don't know why but that box intrigues me somehow.. so i started to checked the box and screened it page by page with nothing to expect. And.. Guess what?! i found one copy of my high school certificate that almost torned up on its top side. That was so relieving so i said Thank You Allah Thank You.. Okay that's one problem solved but i still have the trial cost issue.

Not long after i found the document my family arrived at home. So with a frowned face i talked to my Mom.. i said "Mom i'm sorry to told you this... but i got this problem about my trial graduation.. i need money which should be paid before this afternoon.." Out of expectation my mother face was smiling.. "how much is it?", I said, " Three million (equal to 300 US dollars)", and she said while smiling "No need to worry i got the money.. we just went to our family gathering and one of our relatives paid his debts more that he owes us.. although we actually already forgot about the debt he owes." my mom said. Alhamdulillah everything is arranged by Allah nicely.. I was very happy and cried to Allah silently inside my room, because this happened beyond human logic.. and I remembered, i was sure this is because of the happiness that i give to the old poor guy, so the world by The Will of Allah makes me happier multiple times, Thank You Allah. Well eventually i transferred the money, submit all the documents and had a successful trial.

Lessons Learned:

1. Do Not Hesitate to Do Good Things to Other, As God Will Always Sees Everything.

As a human, we are a social being. We cannot live by ourselves , therefore to do a good deeds to other people is not only going to make you a better person, but you will received "Bonuses" from Allah as long as you are sincere. I believe the world will rearranged automatically by the Will of Allah when you do a good things to other people. Based on my story.. who knows when on Wednesday i did my donation sincerely, at the same time at the different side of my city one of my relatives earned a lot of money from his business and it will synchronized automatically with my needs at the end? Who knows he intended to pay his forgotten debt to my family? Who knows that the box filled with full of junk papers intrigued me and so i found the copy of my high school certificate.. That what i meant by the world is rearranged automatically by itself in the Will of Allah.

2. Good Deeds is Only Between You And God, Nothing Else Matters

As i quoted from above the best way to give charity is when no one sees you, better if the receiver didn't saw you and not even your left hand should witnessing your right hand do the good deeds. And after all of that if i can add more,  it depends on how will you dealing with yourselves. If you cannot handle the feeling which leads to vanity even if its occur inside your self so.. it is very possible that the cause will just gone. If the receiver feel very thankful to you and someday he repay your kindness, is only part of the world rearranged it automatically by the Will of Allah, it is wise not to think that one day the receiver will do a good things to you while you do a good deeds to them. So sometimes i got confused with those who do charity with all the public attention through media go to them, well i didn't say it will be totally in vain, Allah has mysterious count so i am not in position to judge anything.. but in my opinion..  maybe those attention will reduce the value of the good deeds itself because there are still other best way which is so unfortunate. 

For Moslem, In Islam we have term that we called "infaq". It is a term for charity where Allah is the only cause to do it. There are many type of infaq but the most simplest thing is to donate 2.5 % from whatever you earning, because Allah said that in what we earn there are always part of the poor also, so is not totally ours. So please my fellow moslem, do not forget to share what you earned, remember that what you earn is also belong to them. And the most important thing is.. keep practicing, because to do it on pure intention merely because of Allah is not an easy thing. There's a lot of temptations that will reduce the value of your charity, so that is  why.. let's start from small then go bigger, If you already know how to purify your heart than start bigger. Do not just throw away big donations while you still can't handle the temptations or it might going to be something that makes someone happy but not necessary you =).

Well i guess that's it for my 4th chapter, i hope it can be useful. If God Willing i'll share another more..

With Warmness,


[Read More!] - How Your Good Deed Will Help You In Mysterious Way (4th Chapter - The Charity)